i think i have started blogging a few times, but then get distracted. it must be my old age! :) i had a wonderful 30th birthday (as wonderful as turning 30 can be). Ryan's folks came down to visit and watch Hannah while we went out. We ended up not seeing a movie at all, because the timing didn't work out, but we went out for coffee which I haven't had since before I was pregnant with Hannah and then we went to church and group which was a great message and then out to eat. Then I got to open my presents with Ryan and his parents when we got back. I got dumbells from Ryan's folks and the Liar Liar dvd and some earrings from Ryan. And then Ryan's mom and I stayed up until 1am doing a crossword puzzle. Grandad would be proud!
This birthday has surprisingly been hard for me. I think it has been making me reflect on what i've accomplished so far in my life, because even though I can still feel young at heart, I really am no longer a "young adult". I think what hit me was that I really condiser myself to be spontaneous and a free spirit and here I am with the husband, kid, dog, living in suburbia and now with a fence (at least it's not a white picket one!) And not that this is a bad thing, but I just wanted to make sure I didn't have any regrets and looking back I think I have really done everything I have wanted to. Ryan and I did a ton of traveling and I got to see so much and I haven't let work and life get in the way of enjoying life (I probably need to let them get in the way a little more actually) and I can just bask in the absolute amazing blessings that God has given me and I feel at total peace that I am right where God wants me to be in the events of my life, but I can still tell that He wants so much more spiritually for my life. I continually say with my mouth and my head that I am completely his and I sing songs about giving my everything to him, but when i'm honest with myself, I can tell that I am still holding back a little, because I am getting too comfortable in my little world and I think just plain lazy. We had a missionary (John) speak to our group a couple of weeks ago and he said something that i have heard before, but had forgotten. John got to a place in his walk with Jesus that instead of inviting Him to come to work with him or where he was going John would ask God where HE was going today. John said surprisingly God was usually going to the same places, but in a couple of years when God said He was going to a foreign country, it made it easier for John to follow God there. And then this week at church the message was about the guy at the pool that Jesus asked if he wanted to be well? And the greek word that "well" comes from means whole. So in a sense Jesus is asking us, "Do we want to be whole" that has really stuck to me. Do I really want to be whole, do I want the abundant life that God has promised? And the answer of course is yes! but as he mentioned in his sermon, you need to stop making excuses and do what needs to be done. So that is my goal lately is to as one of our old pastors say "fake it until you make it"...every morning I am asking God to show me where He is going and I am listening for his direction. Even though right now it's not crystal clear to me, I know that if I keep it up, I will hear His voice louder and louder and hopefully he will take me through exciting experiences where I can really see him work. I also am getting involved in an accountability group with my girlfriends so I am hoping that will help keep me on track too.
welp there's my emo blog for the day. Time to get Hannah bannana up!
"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know I can love you, I know that I can..." -Kendall Payne, closer to myself
This birthday has surprisingly been hard for me. I think it has been making me reflect on what i've accomplished so far in my life, because even though I can still feel young at heart, I really am no longer a "young adult". I think what hit me was that I really condiser myself to be spontaneous and a free spirit and here I am with the husband, kid, dog, living in suburbia and now with a fence (at least it's not a white picket one!) And not that this is a bad thing, but I just wanted to make sure I didn't have any regrets and looking back I think I have really done everything I have wanted to. Ryan and I did a ton of traveling and I got to see so much and I haven't let work and life get in the way of enjoying life (I probably need to let them get in the way a little more actually) and I can just bask in the absolute amazing blessings that God has given me and I feel at total peace that I am right where God wants me to be in the events of my life, but I can still tell that He wants so much more spiritually for my life. I continually say with my mouth and my head that I am completely his and I sing songs about giving my everything to him, but when i'm honest with myself, I can tell that I am still holding back a little, because I am getting too comfortable in my little world and I think just plain lazy. We had a missionary (John) speak to our group a couple of weeks ago and he said something that i have heard before, but had forgotten. John got to a place in his walk with Jesus that instead of inviting Him to come to work with him or where he was going John would ask God where HE was going today. John said surprisingly God was usually going to the same places, but in a couple of years when God said He was going to a foreign country, it made it easier for John to follow God there. And then this week at church the message was about the guy at the pool that Jesus asked if he wanted to be well? And the greek word that "well" comes from means whole. So in a sense Jesus is asking us, "Do we want to be whole" that has really stuck to me. Do I really want to be whole, do I want the abundant life that God has promised? And the answer of course is yes! but as he mentioned in his sermon, you need to stop making excuses and do what needs to be done. So that is my goal lately is to as one of our old pastors say "fake it until you make it"...every morning I am asking God to show me where He is going and I am listening for his direction. Even though right now it's not crystal clear to me, I know that if I keep it up, I will hear His voice louder and louder and hopefully he will take me through exciting experiences where I can really see him work. I also am getting involved in an accountability group with my girlfriends so I am hoping that will help keep me on track too.
welp there's my emo blog for the day. Time to get Hannah bannana up!
"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know I can love you, I know that I can..." -Kendall Payne, closer to myself
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