Well I did it.....I ran 13.1 miles on Saturday!!

This past weekend was the half-marathon that I have been training for since Feb. On Friday I dropped the kids off at mom and dad's house, put them down for naps there, picked Ryan up at a gas station off the freeway and headed to Indianapolis, IN for the festival 500 mini-marathon! We met our friends Heather and Ryan and Jamie at the Old Spaghetti factory for some carb loading! On a side note, I have to ask what the big deal of the Old Spaghetti factory is? Our friends get so excited whenever we go to a city that has it and we always have to eat there and I am just not a big fan. You pay $10 for a plate of spaghetti that is not even really that great. Is it the milk and ice cream that comes with it? I really just don't get it. Heather's friend and husband from her running group sat with us and I have to say that I have not been that annoyed with someone in a long time. I really can't even put my finger on what annoyed me about her, but I wanted to just scream and tell her to stop talking! Afterwards we were all going to the expo center to pick up our bib numbers and when I saw her put her coat on to come with us I just cringed, but God knows how much we can handle and she left her packet in the car and had to go get it first so we were able to make a get away! :)

We walked around the expo center and mall for a while and chatted for a bit. I saw this t-shirt that I really wish I would have bought. It said "18 weeks ago, this seemed like a good idea.". It was perfect for the way I was feeling that night. My stomach was in knots and I kept thinking, "why did I sign up for this?!". Heather and Ryan went back to his sister's house and Jamie, Ryan, and I headed back to the hotel. Nothing too exciting..just vegged out and went to bed. Joe and Mere came down for the race which was just so amazing of them. They didn't get in until after midnight and then left soon after the race. They rock!

So Saturday morning, the alarm goes off at 5:45am...yuck! We had our banana and power bar and lots of water and headed down town. Our chauffer, Ryan, dropped Jamie and I off at the start line and went to park. I wasn't sure what to expect...this is the largest mini-marathon in the country with over 35,000 people participating in the race. We started in corrals which there were 26 of them A-Z. This meant that over 1000 people were in each corral! It was absolutely crazy. I was in corral U and Heather was in V and Jamie in O, so we gave each other a hug and headed to our stations. Just to give an idea of just how many people were in it, the race started and it took me 23 minutes to cross the start line. But it was so great, because Ryan was able to walk along side of me on the sidewalk and keep me company while we all slowly made our way to the start line. Unfortunately Joe and Mere went to the other side of the street and it was impossible for them to cross at that point so I made my way through all the people in my corral to other side so I could say hi to them and they pumped me up some more as we were still walking towards the start line. But then I really wanted to see Ryan one more time while I could so I made my way again over to him. He cheered me on one more time as I finally crossed the start line and so it began! The race was so spread out that unfortunately they weren't able to see me anymore until the finish so I was on my own at that point. It was a really fun because there were 120 bands there! It was so crazy to be running along the street and see a live band with drums, guitars and all on the side of the road performing for us. It was like that through it all...different bands would just be playing as we ran by. There were 2 christian bands along the way so gave them a shout out as I passed. And one band was playing the YMCA song and some of us started doing the dance as we were running. That was fun. We also got to run on the Indianapolis 500 speedway which was fun at first, but it was 2.5 miles around so towards the end I was ready to get off it.

I do a run/walk method of running where I run for 4 or 9 minutes and then walk for 1 minute. My main goal for the race was to finish of course, but to also not walk for more than a minute and a half at a time. I am a pretty slow runner..usually averaging between a 12.5-13 min/mile pace, but the first 2 miles I felt great and did a 9/1 interval and did each mile in 11.5 minutes. After that I slowed a bit, but I averaged just under a 12 minute mile for the first 5 miles which was great for me. The last 3 miles were very rough. I am so thankful that Joe and Mere gave me the advice to not be afraid to stop and stretch, because I don't know if I would have let myself do that otherwise and I don't know if I would have been able to run the last part of the race if I didn't...my muscles were tightening up fast and my toes cramped like crazy. But I still ran for at least 3.5 minutes and only walked for a 1.5 minutes except for the end where I walked a little over 2 minutes so I could run in the last 1/4 mile. Throughout the race there were pit stops with water and/or gatorade and every now and then someone would call out "keep it up Michelle or You're doing great Michelle!" At first I was like 'how do you know my name', but then I remembered our first names were on our bibs. But I had to laugh at myself a bit, because everytime I would hear someone call me by my name I would tear up. :) But what really got me was when I got to the end and saw Ryan, Joe and Meredith cheering me on...I just started crying and then I crossed the finish line. I didn't get the adrenaline rush that I thought I would get when I crossed, but it's probably because I was so spent of any energy, but I was definitely emotional! Joe and Mere also greeted me with a rose at the end...so sweet! :)

We walked around a bit (well I limped around a bit) and then headed back to the hotel to take a much needed shower! I went to Joe and Mere's hotel so Jamie could use our shower when the water hit me I let out a little screech. I didn't realize how chaffed I got until the warm water stung me...ouch! But they are good battle wounds, because it reminds me of what I accomplished. Joe and Mere headed home and the rest of us met at Cracker Barrel for a celebratory lunch and chowed! We were planning on hanging out longer in Indy, but everyone else needed to get back home. Ryan and I wanted to enjoy the break and didn't want to get back to Columbus too early and our house is on the way back so we stopped at home and took a little nap and chilled for a bit. That was soo nice! We then got some dinner and headed back to Columbus. Mom and dad had a fun day with the kids and the kids loved it! When we got back we of course played some catan and the ladies whooped the boys that night which has not happened yet so that was a good end to the day! I went in the hot tub afterwards which felt amazing and hit the hay. Ryan was so sweet and got up with the kids Sunday morning and it ended up being a good thing, because I could barely get out of bed. I didn't realize I would be that sore! Even my back and shoulders were so achy! But I loosened up a bit as the day went on. We played 2 more games of catan during the kids naps and I won yet another game. So not only did I run 13 miles, I ended the weekend as Lordess of catan! :)

It was definitely a great weekend and it feels so good to be done with the training! I still can't believe that when I started this training I couldn't even run 3 minutes straight. I think that is what I have loved more than anything about this experience is watching my body gradually get more in shape and now running 5 miles seems like nothing. I am hoping that I will stay motivated to continue running and start eating a little better so I can get this weight off for the summer! :)

Welp there's my book about the weekend....time to get some lunch made. We are trying a new pediatrician today because Josh has a fever and we want to make sure he doesn't have an ear infection. I'm nervous, because our pediatrician clinic was sooo great in Lexington. We can't get in until 2pm so I am going to have some cranky kids on my hands. fun fun! ok i'm out!

The fact that I am blogging again is definitely a good sign that things are starting to shape up around here. :) About a week after my last blog I finally had a breakdown and just let all my frustrations out to Ryan who so sweetly listened and comforted me. You would think I would have learned by now that I cannot hold in any intense emotions. I will tell myself that they will go away, but it usually takes crying and venting before they will and that is exactly what happened. It really was amazing...I woke up the next day feeling a little better and I just kept feeling better each day and now I feel like I am back to normal (I use that word loosely of course). This past weekend was really our first full weekend here so that was nice to have. Friday night I think we just hung out as a family...didn't really do anything too exciting...at least that I can remember. On Saturday we were all going to try a new church down the street from us, but I started getting nervous about if we really hated it and couldn't really escape if we had all 3 kids in the nursery, so we decided that Ryan would go and check it out for us. So he went and the kids and I walked over to the country store next door and since they have been playing so nice with each other lately, I let them pick out a treat. Hannah picked out an ice cream sandwhich and Caleb surprisingly did not pick out the same thing since he usually does and says everything she does. Instead he had his heart set out on a bit-o-honey candy piece. He would have been perfectly satisfied with just one piece, but I felt compelled to make it a little more even so he also picked out some gummy bears. And Joshua got a lollipop which he made him happy as a clam. Then we went exploring in the field and looked at the pond that Mike has dug and is in the process of trying to fill. I put some pics below from that day since it's easier getting pics from my phone onto the computer than it is from my camera. Some day I'll get some pics of our house on here too.

Ryan said the church wasn't bad and could be worth another look. I think we will try the Dayton Vineyard as well and see. Ryan saw some guy he works with there and after church he asked Ryan to go out for a beer which we thought was amusing. So Ryan went and then brought me back pretzel bites from Frickers (a local restaurant). Yummy! Our plan for the evening was for Ryan to play Halo on Xbox live with the Lexington guys while I surfed the net and maybe played some Catan. I know it probably sounds weird, but that just sounds like a great evening to me! I'm a nerd I know. :) Well apparently my router was causing problems with Ryan being able to play in the same game with the guys and the only way to get it to work was to plug it directly into the modem which meant no internet for me. Well needless to say I was not a happy camper, but I wasn't going to tell Ryan he couldn't play, so I decided that I would watch a little Friends in the kitchen and maybe unpack another box or 2. It ended up not getting on the internet was a blessing in disguise, because I got in the zone and ended up staying up until 6am unpacking. Being a night owl by nature and always having to fight it because kids are not, it was so much fun! Around 4am I got my second wind and as I was taking the box of good will stuff out to the car, I decided I needed a snack so I ran down to the gas station for a dew and a chocolate chip muffin. It was just what I needed to press on! I ended up unpacking everything but the decorations and a few office stuff which I don't have a home for yet. It felt really good to finally have a home to enjoy without unpacked boxes everywhere! And as the birds were chirping when I headed upstairs to bed, my sweet sweet husband had layed ear plugs out for me on my night stand and moved the monitor to his side of the bed. So I slept soundly until 11:30am.

I have more to post, but it's getting late so I will stop with that. More to come!

Just have a few minutes...we have been in our house now for about a week and we are slowly getting things unpacked. It is definitely harder moving and unpacking with 3 youngins running around. Ryan and I are both exhausted and the last couple of days I think you could have diagnosed me with a mild form of depression. I have not wanted to get out of bed and I have been so overwhelmed with what needs done that I have basically shut down. I have a small window in the morning when I seem pretty productive, but that is all I have really been able to do. Definitely the hardest thing about being a full time mom as I'm sure others would attest to is the fact that you cannot call in sick and boy could I have used a mental health day the past couple of days! And poor Ryan has been so busy at work and he needs a break just as much as I do, but I think he is able to take Thursday off so that will help. We are actually making good progress on the house if I look around, but I think in the back of my mind I know that this isn't permanent and we are going to have to turn around and do it all over again in a relatively short time period. I do hope now at this point that we can stay here at least a year that way it won't seem too useless. But I have been able to find some good bargains on some valances and decorations and that has really helped make it feel more like our own place. Anyhoo..not sure why I'm writing this...I guess just to get it out. I do feel a lot better today and the weather is absolutely beautiful, so we are going to the park. And actually I better get going so we aren't out too late. Well there is my debbie downer blog for the day. Next one will be more cheerful I hope!

I can't believe that tomorrow will be my last day as a resident of Lexington, KY! "It's the end of an era!!" (something for all your Friend's fans out there :) ) Since I have really only had a week to process this I have had to go through the mourning process pretty quickly and it's funny how I can really see myself phasing through each cycle. Last weekend I was so sad and was crying a lot, then the next couple of days I didn't think much about it, just kind of went through the motions in denial, and last night the anger hit me. It's all really based on selfish reasons so hopefully I get over it fast. But last night as Ryan and I were up working once again past midnight and exhausted, I was just mad that we are doing all this work to move into a shack in an ugly city with no neighbors and who knows how long we will be there. And then we get to turn around and do this again. And as I was sharing this with Ryan and telling him I was in the phase of not being excited to move, he was somewhat agreeing and saying that this is more of a sacrificial move. Well I know he meant well, but that did not help the bitterness! :) This morning as I was praying for God to give me joy and supernatural strength and energy today I was reminded of a comment I made, I think on my blog, where I said that it didn't matter what house you live in, but it's how you live in it that makes it a home. Man am I eating those words now! :) But actually after praying about it, I realized that I really do need this move, because that statement is very true and I really want to believe it. It really is just a house and that shouldn't stop us from creating memories and enjoying each other. And as my wise friend Carly has said before.."This will be a good story for the grandkids". :) Plus Ryan said that the money we will be saving can be used towards our Hawaii vacation for our 10th anniversary, so that's pretty good motivation too! I know that once I get to the acceptance phase then I will be good to go and I can do what I do best, improvise and organize!

Yesterday was actually a great day for running for me! And on a side note, I would just like to give a shout out to my friend Adderall! I may not have posted much about this and I will eventually, but I am taking this medication for adult ADD and it has been life changing and I know that if I was not on this then there is no way I would have been able to go and workout because I would have been too obessessed with packing. So anyhoo, I did my usual Wednesday 4-5 mile run on the track, which is crazy to think that I run 80 times around that thing, but I just got burned out on the treadmill and needed to do something else and when Ryan is gone, I can't run outside so you do what you gotta go. I am a pretty slow runner and since I do the run/walk thing my times are even slower. I usually run an average mile time of 12.5 - 13 minutes, but since the track is flat, I can usually run a little under a 12 minute average mile time. Well yesterday I ran/walked the first 4 miles with an average mile time of 11 minutes which was a good accomplishment at that, but then my runner's high kicked in and I wanted to see how fast I could run that last mile and I did in 9 minutes!!!! I love saying that...9 minutes!!! I have not run a 9 minute mile since high school. I wanted to puke, but I felt awesome and was totally praising God!! And then the icing on the cake was this sweet older man walked by me when I was cooling down and he took his head phones off and asked "how far did you run?" and I panted "5 miles" and he gave me the great job fist shake and said "Good for you!" :)

And then in the locker room I was listening to the elderly ladies talking as I often do because the conversations are always so amusing, but this lady gave a quote that I will remember for long time. She was telling this lady about how she is taking prednizone to start her treatment and wasn't very happy about it because it makes her hungry and gain weight, but then she shrugged her shoulders and said in such a matter of fact and almost positve tone, "But when you're dying you'll do anything the doctor tells you to do. If he said you need to stick raisons up your nose and wear a banana on your head then I would say, 'ok I'm heading to the market'". I just hope that if I am at the stage of life I can have that attitude!

Welp I better stop procrasinating and get some more packing done. Tonight I am going to starbucks with the girls, so I need to haul a today. It was very sweet of them to want to do this and I know I'll be a mess, but it will be a great way to end the week. It will be somewhat anti-climatic since I'll see them in 2 weeks for Olivia's party, but I can't wait.

Oh I do have one more thing....Hannah is being so sweet through this whole thing. Her and I are actually going through a lot of the same emotions which I think is helping her. She has 2 good friends at her school, Elise and utPallini and is always talking about them. Well last night she was getting sad again about leaving and said "But mommy...I want Elise to come to my 5 year birthday party...but when she comes here for the party she is going to come here and look in the window and see someone else living here!" Doesn't it just break your heart?!

Ok work time and loosey goosey breakfast time! The kids are liking packing week for that reason...lots of movies!

We've had quite the week which is why it is taking me so long to post. I have a lot to catch up on, but the main thing I wanted to write is that we are moving in 6 days! Yes you heard that correctly...6 days. And when did we find out we were moving you may be wondering...about 3 days ago.

Here's the short, but not so short story of how it unfolded...as most may know we put our house up for sell about 9 months ago when we found out that Ryan was being transferred to Ohio. Then about 6 months ago, Ryan's boss had told us that he would buy our house if we found renters so we put some ads out in different places for that as well. Since then things have changed financially for his boss and we knew that he probably wasn't able to buy our house anymore so we didn't pursue the renter thing anymore, but we never took the sign down in our yard. A couple just happen to come by our open house last weekend and saw the for rent and for sale sign and said they were looking for a possible rent to own house. Well they came back a second time and really loved it and wanted to rent it. We weren't sure what to do because we knew we couldn't buy a house without selling ours first, but then my parents (who live an hour from Ryans' work which was at least 2 hours closer) had so graciously offered to let all 5 of us live with them for a few months. I made sure they knew what they were getting themselves into and they still offered. It was so great of them! That was going to be our plan and then we found out that Ryans' boss has a house for sell in Springfield that his daugther used to live in, but was having no luck selling it, so he decided to take it off the market and is letting us stay there rent free until we figure out what God's next step is for us. We are hoping that this couple will buy our house in a few months or maybe we'll be able to save enough for a down payment on a house...who really knows! It's not exactly how I had pictured all of this working out, but it really is a blessing in so many ways. Now we will be 20 minutes from Ryan's work and we will finally be a family 7 days a week again and we will be able to save a lot of money in the mean time. The house is smaller than what we have now and it's not in our favorite area, but we figured we could put up with it for a while. Well the couple that will be renting our house really needs to be in it by the beginning of April, so that means we are moving next weekend! We went from waiting for 9 months for our house to sell to basically having a week's notice that we need to move. It's a bit of whirlwind and I'm definitely having a hard time grasping it. The packing won't be too hard since we already have so much packed up trying to clean out our house to show it, but it's the part of not really being able to have a whole lot of closure. At church on Saturday I cried through most of the service because it hit me that it will be the last time we call that church home, and that it was the last time with our life group which we have been a part of for 8 years. I'm definitely overwhelmed. The first couple of days I would just start crying randomly throughout the day, but now I'm getting a little excited at our new adventure and I know God has a plan in all of this and I am excited to see how it unfolds! Hannah is actually taking it quite well. We've talked a lot about how it's ok to be sad and excited at the same time. I know she'll miss her friends and school, but I think she understands that this means we will to have daddy 7 days a week now! I told her that we will have 2 new houses and she is really loving that! She says she wants her room to be a green tinkerbell room in the first house and a pink Ariel room in the second. :)

That's definitely the big news this week...a brief catch up... we finally made it up to Ryan's mom's house last weekend after being snowed in the weekend before. We had a great visit and the kids were very excited to see Nonni! Nonni, Hannah and I went to see Horton Hears a Who at the movie theater and that was so much fun! It was Hannah's first time seeing a movie at a theater and of course she loved it! Great idea Nonni!

My half-marathon training is going good.. I ran 8 miles yesterday! It was the farthest I have run in my whole life, so it was a pretty big accomplishment I thought. I ran about 7.5 in high school for cross-country, so this topped that! I have been dreading the runs, but once I get out there I feel pretty good. I have been listening to the last sermon series at our church and that has really helped get my mind off of the running part. I have been telling everyone I know to listen to this series. It was a really awesome one and had some great practical steps to getting closer to God and walking out the christian life. Here is the link to hear them or you may be able to get the podcasts for your ipod or mp3 player.... http://www.southlandchristian.org/series.php?id=162&a=1&s=644

We had a pretty laid back Easter....Saturday I took Hannah to an easter egg hunt and it was freezing! We had our spring jackets on and it was sooo windy. Hannah only got about 5 eggs because she said her hands hurt from the cold. I know I'm a bit on the competitive side, but I gotta be honest...I think easter egg hunts with empty plastic eggs isn't really that fun. I guess our church is so big that the time involved in checking everything that goes into the eggs was too much work so now they just throw some empty eggs out and then you get a goody bag. Maybe if the weather was nicer it would have been more fun, but I think we both could have done without it. :) Easter morning was pretty usual...Ryan stayed out late playing halo with Donny since it was going to be their last so I let him sleep in and then we put the kids up for room time and hid their baskets and eggs (with candy inside). We did the same thing we did last year which seems to work out good. Hannah's eggs were pink and purple, Caleb's were orange and yellow and Joshua's (all 4 of them that we just put in the middle of the room) were green. That way they knew only to pick up the eggs that were their color. They had a fun time and the loved their baskets! I went a bit overboard this year and they were pretty full, but I mainly did it because i was trying to find some boy stuff for Caleb which he still doesn't have a lot of. Of course he did get a little ariel doll from the dollar store as well. Hannah got one a month or so ago and I was tired of all the fighting over it, so I gave Caleb his own. I don't think Ryan was too happy about that, especially since he doesn't choose to carry around his little spiderman guy or his planet hero guy..nope now he has his big Ariel plush doll (which used to be Hannah's, but in a kind moment she gave it to Caleb and now he takes it everywhere) and his little Ariel. But he does like his guys at least! I think it's cute and as long as he's still not sleeping with the doll when he's 16, I'm not too worried about it yet.

Welp I've blogged too long now...time to get something done before the kids wake up. Until next time!

Yesterday morning we had to say our weekly goodbye to Ryan. I always miss him, but after such a good weekend with him and the kids I was really bumming. :( This week instead of New Carlisle, he had to drive 8 hours to Richmond, VA with just him and this 40 yr old lady from the Ohio office that he doesn't know very well. Needless to say he wasn't too excited about it, but I told him maybe this will make his usual Wed evenings of hanging out with his boss's kids and grandkids not seem so bad. :) He gets back late on Thursday in Dayton so he will just stay up there and we will meet him in Cincinnati. Which that means once again I get to pack everything up by myself and get our house ready for our open house. yay me! :) It's really not too bad, especially since our house is pretty clean since we thought our open house was last weekend. I just like the sympathy. :P

Last night I did my exercise video again with the kids which has become a fun weekly activity. I am not very motivated to do an hour video during naps when I only get about 1 1/2 hrs so I figured out a way to turn it into family fun time and the kids so far have actually bought it! :) I usually bring the musical instruments in and they are my band and I also give them a snack or dinner and they watch a video on the little tv. They love climbing up and down the step and trying to do the moves. Hannah's favorite are the push-ups and last night she was getting pretty good at the squat kicks. They were not happy that they could not play with my weights and sculpting stick, so a few weeks ago I got the divine inspiration to roll up construction paper and tape it and make them their own "weights". They each have 1 long one and 1 short one so they can also have a stick. It is hard sometimes to not to stop and just watch them lift them over their heads and Caleb likes to give a little grunt sometimes to really work those muscles..it's actually quite fun and motivating since they actually look forward to it. Caleb found this wavy stick thing that goes on our exersaucer last week and ever since will go over to the tv and say "mommy ex-cer-shise" (he pronounces every syllable). He wants me to exercise so he can use it as a weight. He got to use it last night, but didn't seem all that impressed with it. oh well!

After a dinner of tortillas and carrots (Hannah's favorite as of last week according to a poll taken at her school), we played hide-and-seek. Ryan had warned me that the game has progressed from actually counting and hiding to Hannah and Caleb counting with their eyes open and then Ryan would chase them and say "why are you counting with your eyes open!?" and they would run and squeal. And lo and behold that is what happened. And then Joshua just runs around laughing trying to figure out what's going on. It was a lot fun and I also really loved that Ryan had an inside scoop to something about the kids that I didn't. Sometimes I feel bad since I am with the kids so much more lately that he feels left out on what's going on so it was great that they had a special game they play.

Oh and speaking of the favorite meal poll at Hannah's school....Hannah often comes home and tells us how this kid named Ben was mean to her. I guess he will stick his tongue out at her and make goofy noises. We try to explain that he is just having fun, but she is apparently not amused by it. I pray that will be the worst anyone ever treats her! So you can sort of imagine what this little boy is probably like...a little rambunxious and probably a fun one for the teachers. Well Hannah brought home this list where the teacher had asked everyone what their favorite foods were and then wrote them down. Most kids had some sort of dinner food (spaghetti, mac and cheese, etc) and maybe a fruit or veggie. Well what foods were next to Ben's? Blueberry muffins and strawberry cake. I think that explains it all! :)

Watched American Idol last night. Wow what a complete disappointment that was! It was Lennon/McCartney night which should have been amazing and only a few people did anything worth listening to again. It was fun talking to my dad during commercials though critiquing everyone. We always have fun chats about music. Shakesi (sp?) is the one that took me by surprise. Where did he come from?! He did a great job. I also loved Brooke White's let it be and David Cook's song. David Archuletto was a huge disappointment, but the poor kid had so much pressure on him that it was probably good that people see that he's not a superhuman. Jason Castro, one of my favorites, did a decent job, but nothing like his song last week, Halleluah. Wow that song was amazing. I then discovered a version of that song by Allsion Crowe. It's been my favorite song lately. I honestly don't really understand what exactly the song is about, but it seems to be about the life of David from the bible and it just brings on this feeling of complete brokenness in the presence of the Almighty! Here is the link if any one wants to watch it.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=vIMOdVXAPJ0

Well for those of you who have actually taken the time to read my "books" the last few days..thanks! Sorry they are so long, but it's been fun actually getting down what goes on in my days. Have a blessed one!

Boy this time change in the Spring always takes it out of me. I don't know why, but it always takes me a week before I feel back on track. And that's after getting 4 nights of good sleep. I do feel a little better today at least.

Sunday night I was too tired to get things ready for Monday morning so Ryan sweetly offered to take Hannah school so I had a little more time to get the boys and myself ready. Hannah always loves that! The boys and I went to the gym as usual. Usually my long run is on Saturdays and I rest on Sundays so I can get a hard workout in at the gym on Mondays, but since I ran 7 miles on Sunday and I could definitely feel it, I decided to swim. I ended up swimming about 40 minutes so it was still a good workout. I really enjoy swimming lately, because it's my time when I think about Dad Good. He is the one who taught me to swim so that I don't feel nauseous and dizzy every time. So when I work on my breathing and my stretch & stroke technique I always get a smile on my face. I was listening to Shania Twain's Forever and For Always song yesterday and was really missing him. Tracey had this song on his celebration of life video and there is something about that song that immediately brings a rush of emotions over me and it helps to bring back some of my favorite memories of him. I think more than anything I miss that he cannot be here for Ryan as he is going through a lot of stuff at work. Dad was always his sounding board and as obnoxious as he would get at times, Ryan always knew he had his best interest in mind. He was the only who could say "Ryan you need to do this!" and it not sound disrespectful. Believe me I tried it..it doesn't work! :) The healing and mourning process is definitely a lot harder than I would have expected. I honestly don't know how people who do not have the hope of eternal life would be able to cope with loss...it's the anchor that gets me through!

Last night we had replenish at church and after 2 months of having to miss it I finally got to go. 2 months ago Ryan came down with a migraine at the last minute. The sweet guy tried to tell me I could still go, but I can barely handle 3 kids in the evening with a normal working head (I guess I should use the word normal loosely). Then last month Jenn and I were getting ready to go and I got a call saying it was cancelled because of the snow. Well apparently I was having some hormone issues that night and right at the dinner table I started crying. What a dork! So Ryan suggested that Jenn and I at least get out, I think for his benefit as well as mine. :) So what Jenn and I had planned to do was drop some dinner off at a friends house and then go to Dinks which is an internet cafe and play some catan. What our night turned out to be was driving around for an hour and a half in the snow. We got stuck in traffic and never made it to my friends house and then we finally worked our way to Dinks to find that it was closed due to the weather and then we found out we had just missed the movies starting. So we had a snack from the gas station and headed home. I told Jenn that it may not have been fun for her, but it at least got me out of the house. :)

Replenish is a monthly women's worship and teaching at church. It is really awesome and the director of Women's ministry is soooo good! This is one of the things I am really going to miss about our church. Last night was on law vs love. It was a good message, but for those who know me I have never really struggled with being too legalistic and obeying the law much :), but it was a good reminder of how to love people.

Ryan and I just both happened to get on the Dayton's real estate web site and found that our dream home is no longer there. :( I actually thought that when that day happened I would be quite devasted, but I surprisingly am handling it ok. I know that God has another house out there for us. I do have to prepare myself for the fact that it might not be as nice, because this house had it all! But that is ok, because it is just a house and how we live in it is what will make it a home. And you never know...there might be something just as nice or even nicer than this one!

Welp room times are over...back to reality!